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Wine Paraphernalia
- as published in the Winter 2011/12
edition of Footprints magazine.
Have you taken the time to stroll through the glassware
section of your local department store recently? Located somewhere amidst
the sea of crystal decanters, etched serving trays, and dinnerware designed
by that abrasive guy from Hell’s Kitchen, undoubtedly you will stumble upon
a display of the latest in wine paraphernalia. I thought it might be
worthwhile to address a few of these unusual gizmos and gadgets before you
file them into the re-gift cabinet for future reference. I should also
commend the courageous few who do manage to manipulate said contraptions
with some degree of precision, which incidentally are somehow designed to
make your wine imbibing experience all the more pleasurable.
Just the other day, a friend asked for my opinion on the
use of the Wine Vinturi. For those unfamiliar, the Vinturi is not only
a play on words, but a futuristic looking funnel designed to rapidly aerate
the contents of the bottle. Before I begin, let me also highlight that I
unstop a bottle the traditional way – without exception. In fact, as
far as wine service goes, I’d be better off in a society that existed a
hundred years ago. In my opinion, there is an art to opening a bottle
correctly and thus I tend to avoid the use of such technological items of
convenience; not that I intend to steer you in any particular direction.
Wine service goes beyond simply popping the cork and pouring the contents for
your guests. Perhaps you also believe in the magic of the moment?
Not card tricks, top hats, and stereotypical hocus-pocus nonsense, but the
transformation from one form to another. Amidst the brief and sporadic mom
ents
of sarcasm between these lines, that is exactly where the focus of this
article lies.
The Vinturi funnel exists for the simple reason that
people wish to expedite the breathing time necessary to enjoy certain
bottles of wine – and that is fine, I guess, but I find myself asking why the need to rush the process? Proper decanting of the bottle will
accomplish exactly the same thing and if you adequately cellar the wine for
a reasonable length of time, significant aeration is not necessary.
Furthermore, use of venturi type funnels can become habitual and in some
cases inappropriate, as with older bottles that require a touch of care.
Think back to the occasions when you placed your thumb on a garden hose:
restricting the cross sectional area of the hose causes the fluid to
rapidly accelerate and become turbulent. That is the venturi effect, which
works great when you need to reach the geraniums in the hanging basket on
the veranda – but are you sure you really want that e
nforce
that same degree of persuasion upon your wine?
I’ll admit that contraptions like the Wine Vinturi do
have a place: dinner on a Friday night with minimal time for preparation
where decanting a bottle two hours before the meal is simply not possible is
one such place. But what if you actually wanted to age the wine, to
taste as though it had aged for say, five years? How convenient would
that be? Well friends, they’ve got a product for that too. At
first the concept was a small stone-like object placed in the base of the
decanter, some sort of mineral that scientifically reacted with the wine to
create the illusion of age. Now that same product looks like a
thermometer that you dip into the bottle and presto – five seconds
equal five years of age – well sort of, it’s a little more complicated than
that, but the tool, known as a Clef du Vin is quite revolutionary as an
indicator of a wine ageing potential. Though I can’t help but wonder: by
using these products, are we also stripping the wine of its soul?
In 
Unstopping the bottle is a matter of personal preference
and with the number of corkscrew designs available, surely there is one for
everyone’s style and taste. Some are easier to use than others and we
shouldn’t criticise any particular product too heavily, for they are all
designed to get you to the wine with the utmost efficiency – except of
course the thing that injects gas into the bottle to blow the cork out...
I'm not
really convinced that it works on the principal of Newton’s Law; it might
actually be Murphy’s. I prefer the ‘waiter’s friend’ for most
stoppers for its simple yet elegant principals. On occasion I will
also use the ‘dishonest butler’ – again, a touch old-school but when the
cork is in poor condition or the table is in desperate need of a change in
conversation, it has yet to fail me. The story goes that many a butler
have used to two pronged extractor to sample wares from the cellar,
unbeknownst to the master of the house. Not only will the two thin
prongs remove the cork without damage, but they also make sliding the
stopper back into the bottle a seamless exercise - James, you sly dog!
I’ll conclude by stating that in wine, patience is a
virtue. To enjoy the subtle complexity of the contents, your finest
bottles should spend a few years by themselves. Consider starting a
collection. By purchasing via two bottle lots as a minimum, preferable
three; quality over quantity, you will amass an assortment of high quality
labels to tuck away for enjoyment another day. Cellaring wine is not only a
highly addictive hobby, but an equally fascinating learning experience and
with a few years left undisturbed, you’ll feel satisfied knowing that you
alone have nurtured these bottles to perfection without the use of
scientific stimulation.
I am currently dusting off old bottles that we tucked
away well over a decade ago only to find them in perfect drinking condition.
As we pair these old treasures with friends, great food, and
conversation, it is the soul of the wine that gracefully speaks to us from
the glass. You need only listen to hear the voice...
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Tyler Philp is a member of the Wine Writers' Circle of Canada Please direct inquires for writing services to: info@tylerphilp.com |
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